Pluralistic Methods and Tasks to Negotiate Control away from the Tough Inner Critic
Individual Emotion Focused Therapy
All EFT approaches have retained emphasis on the importance of Rogerian empathic attunement and communicated understanding, similar to the underpinnings of Pluralistic Counselling, where we as Counsellors are seeking to communicate empathy, unconditional positive regard and congruence. The focus is on the value of engaging clients in emotional experiencing moment-to-moment in session. EFT theorists have expressed the view that individuals engage with others on the basis of their emotions, and construct a sense of self from the drama of repeated emotionally laden interactions. (e.g. Goldman, Greenberg & Pos 2005; Johnson 2009a; Johnson 2009b; Elliott et al. 2011). Therefore, we may get to uncover some valuable information about the emotions underpinning a Tough Inner Critic and collaborate to see how we can maximise the positive interactions in a client's life to counterbalance these negative emotions. We might get information about interactions in the client's life that led to the tough inner critic voice taking over. The congruence of the Pluralistic Counsellor, in identifying a toxic inner critic voice, could work to soften the inner critic as the client works to first externalise and identify it, then work to understand the emotions behind the inner critic, either driving it or resulting from it. And if appropriate, the Counsellor will support the Client to recognise it as detrimental and gently soften it. The Pluralistic Counsellor may bring their own emotions into the picture, and state that they find the way the client talks to themselves as upsetting. This emotional congruence could highlight to client's that the way their inner critic communicates is abusive, leading to a negative inner world and contributing to problems.
Emotionally Focused Therapy and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) are a set of approaches to therapy for individuals, couples, and families. They incorporate elements of experiential therapy such as Gestalt and person-centered approaches, systemic therapy, and attachment theory (Corey, 2013).
EFT is based on the idea that human emotions are connected to human needs, and working through them can help individuals change distressful emotional states and improve interpersonal relationships (Johnson & Greenberg, 1992).
Emotionally Focused Therapy was developed in the 1980s by Canadian psychologist Sue Johnson, who focused on emotions because they are typically left out of interventions, especially those focusing on relationships (Johnson, 2008).
This type of therapy is designed for couples working to develop an understanding of their partner’s and their own emotions. Emotionally Focused Therapy addresses the needs of couples. Johnson and Greenberg (1992) developed the EFT approach by reviewing videos of couple therapy sessions and performing task analysis to identify what elements led to positive change. They took an experiential–systemic approach by viewing problems as a cyclical reinforcement of patterns and interactions between partners. Therefore, if within their competence, a Pluralistic Counsellor may work with couples and families to address e.g.where the Inner Critic came from, or its role in the individual, and aid in softening this through improved relationships and/ or improved understanding of the messages clients receive in their emotional connections with families and other relationships.
If working with family's and couples is outwith their competence, the Pluralistic Counsellor and their client may wish to focus on the emotions the tough inner critic conjures and see if self-compassion can alleviate the negative feelings. I have also discovered allowing the inner critic to express themselves and then responding compassionately as one would to a friend's fears can help shift the negative emotions. Johnson (2021) notes “if we’re doing individual EFT, the very best antidote to an active self-critic is the acceptance of the therapist. The therapist outlines this process of self-criticism, so the person starts to be able to stand back and look at it. The person focuses on the process, of how this person listens to these messages about themselves, how they react to these messages, how those messages then impact the way they are in the world: they hide from other people. Avoidance is the kryptonite of mental health; if you’re always avoiding, you never get any supportive messages that disconfirm your worst fears” (NICABM IC bonus video 3; 06:11).
Positive Psychology (https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-guide/positive-psychology-techniques)
Positive Psychology focusses on the "good" and so theoretically can weaken the negative messages of the Inner Critic. Some positive psychology techniques include:
Gratitude Visit-
Positive relationships are one of the best predictors of happiness and well-being. Many of us have people in our lives who we cherish and appreciate, but we don't take the time to spell out the reasons why. Some of us might have people from our past who have positively impacted our lives, yet they have no idea. Gratitude visits are the perfect opportunity to strengthen our relationships, and to make someone's day. In this exercise, you will identify a person who you are grateful for, and you'll tell them how they have impacted your life.
Instructions: Gratitude Visit
Think about someone who has had a positive impact on your life, or someone who has done something generous for you. It could be a parent, a friend, a professor, a partner, or just about anyone else. Preferably, this will be someone who you are able to visit.
Write a letter to your selected person telling them how they have impacted your life for the better. Tell them how they have helped you, or why you are grateful for them.
If possible, deliver your letter in person. Read the letter to them, and then allow the conversation to move forward organically. Allow them to keep the letter as a gift. If it isn't possible to meet in person, call your friend and read the letter over the phone, then mail the letter to them to keep. A gratitude visit will take a little work on your part, but try to do it regularly! Once a month, or once every few months is a reasonable goal.
Acts of Kindness
Being kind doesn't only help others—it will also boost your own happiness. The key to using acts of kindness as a therapeutic intervention is to purposefully go beyond your regular level of kindness. If you already hold doors open for others, holding another door probably won't make you happier.
Some ideas are buying a cup of coffee for a stranger, helping a friend paint their house, offering directions to someone who looks lost, giving a friend a ride to the airport, or helping someone carry heavy groceries to their car. It might be difficult to recognize opportunities for acts of kindness at first, but you'll improve with practice.
Try getting to the point where you are doing three acts of kindness every day. We've created a worksheet with ideas for acts of kindness to help you find a bit of inspiration.
Being kind doesn't only help others—it will also boost your own happiness. The key to using acts of kindness as a therapeutic intervention is to purposefully go beyond your regular level of kindness. If you already hold doors open for others, holding another door probably won't make you happier.
Some ideas are buying a cup of coffee for a stranger, helping a friend paint their house, offering directions to someone who looks lost, giving a friend a ride to the airport, or helping someone carry heavy groceries to their car. It might be difficult to recognize opportunities for acts of kindness at first, but you'll improve with practice.
Try getting to the point where you are doing three acts of kindness every day. We've created a worksheet with ideas for acts of kindness to help you find a bit of inspiration.
Instructions: Developing Meaning
Write the story of your past. Describe how you overcame significant challenges using your strengths. This narrative should be about 1-2 pages long. Give yourself an hour or two to write, wait a few days, and then come back and review what you wrote. Feel free to make revisions!
Next, write about who you are now. Write about how your present self is different from your past self. Include discussion about how your strengths have evolved. This entry should be about 1 page long, but feel free to go longer.
Finally, write about your imagined future self. What kind of person do you hope to become? How will your strengths grow? What would you like to achieve? Finally, how can you go about achieving these things? This entry should also be about 1 page.
Save your writings, and review them regularly. Update your narratives as you grow.
Instructions: Developing Meaning
Write the story of your past. Describe how you overcame significant challenges using your strengths. This narrative should be about 1-2 pages long. Give yourself an hour or two to write, wait a few days, and then come back and review what you wrote. Feel free to make revisions!
Next, write about who you are now. Write about how your present self is different from your past self. Include discussion about how your strengths have evolved. This entry should be about 1 page long, but feel free to go longer.
Finally, write about your imagined future self. What kind of person do you hope to become? How will your strengths grow? What would you like to achieve? Finally, how can you go about achieving these things? This entry should also be about 1 page.
Save your writings, and review them regularly. Update your narratives as you grow.